1. Winning starts with the ability to see the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. Do you have a “vision”, or in other words, are you able to visualize and imagine the successful point of resolution of the conflict? What does that “endpoint” look like?
  2. Before attempting to win within a conflict, study the situation, the conflict, even the environment, to arrive at an estimate of the degree of difficulty the conflict and challenge poses to you. Do you have the “equipment” that it will take to win?  Do you have the endurance to go the distance of the conflict in terms of emotional stress, time, courage, even financial or other resources? Can you control your temper or certain elements of the situation long enough and with sufficient discipline to be able to win?
  3. Do you care or even want to win this conflict? Why?  What’s it mean to you? Is there sufficient value to make the “negotiation” worth your time and resources?
  4. Are you working at cross purposes to your corporation, team, or goals and objectives that supersede your own? Is your intention, viewpoint, motive, etc., well-aligned with the bigger picture?
  5. Would you face opposition by other members of your team or company even after a successful resolution of this particular conflict. If so, are you prepared to extend the “negotiations” to include those other resistant parties?
  6. No one can win a conflict if it merely escalates. One primary objective during conflict resolution is to manage the conflicting elements such that nothing escalates. No shouting. No rise to emotions. No excitable gestures. No body language like rolling of eyes or any other posture that may be misinterpreted.
  7. The overall objective is to calm the conflict so a more sensible, more logical discussion can ensue.
  8. Placating parties may be of some use. That is, offering a reward, or a substitution of equal or near-equal value to the other party. But be careful that the reward is not of such limited-, or low-value as to offend.
  9. Keep alert to opportunities useful for the purpose of distracting intense emotions from the focus of those intensities. De-escalation can sometimes be achieved by redirecting attention to other elements of the discussion or environment or “negotiations”.
  10. Be careful when spotting inconsistencies within the logic or argument of the opposition.  You will have a temptation to pounce on an inconsistency and while emotions are running high, your instinct will want to make you shout out, “That doesn’t make any sense…”  Resist that temptation. However, that inconsistency ought to be tucked away for use later during the settlement stage. Later, it can be resurrected and re-packaged in ways that suit your own advantage, provided it doesn’t escalate the emotional component of the conflict.
  11. As with any transaction or event or activity in life, even conflicts can present opportunities to a person who remains alert to them. Be sensitive to unexpected opportunities but avoid the temptation to pounce on those opportunities. Instead, tuck them away for use later, either during the negotiations or some time afterwards.